The Neighborly Bully

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, today we present for your entertainment and enlightenment, one of the parables of Jesus which we have entitled The Neighborly Bully. Well, it was a parable when we started out but I am not sure what it is now. You will meet a prospector, a villian, a cowboy, a deputy sheriff, a bully, some curious bystanders--that would be you guys--and me, the illustrious and ever important narrator. Since this is a melodrama, we will need audience participation...and probably a little practice...

(sign holder holds up signs)
BOO!
HOORAY!
HUH??

Narrator: I think you’ve got it!
A certain man…

Prospector: Me!

Narrator: Was traveling from Dry Gulch to Cactus Corner when he was waylaid by a bandit…

Bandit: Me! (bandit knocks man over, pretends to hit him)

Sign-holder: -BOO!-

Narrator: The bandit took his wallet with all his credit cards and the bag of gold nuggets and left him for dead…

Bandit: He’s dead. (takes wallet and bag of gold nuggets and walks off, looking back a couple of times.)

Prospector: I don’t think I’m dead but whatevs. (lifts head to say line then lays it back down) Oooh, ouch. (lifts head) No, I am pretty sure I am not dead. But I think I’m going to faint. (faints)

Narrator: So the man lay there moaning and groaning until a sheriff’s deputy passed by.

Deputy: I am the Deputy Sheriff in these here parts and I’m on official deputeeee business...

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

Deputy: ...Protecting women and children...

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

Deputy: ...tracking down train robbers...

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

Deputy: ...rounding up cattle rustlers

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

Deputy: ...and scooping up the mess horses leave behind.

Signholder: -HUH?-

Deputy: Hey, somebody’s got to do it.

(deputy turns to look across the stage, notices man)

Prospector: Help me, I’ve been waylaid…robbed…beaten…left for dead…

Deputy: (as an aside) Sad day for you!

Signholder: -HUH?-

(deputy walks across stage, going way around the man)

Deputy: I have much more important business today! (said right before he walks offstage)

Signholder: -BOO!-

Narrator: The next person to pass by was a cowboy, a regular John Wayne kind of guy, the guy who reunites little calves with their mommies...

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

Narrator: ...who brushes his horse every day...

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

Narrator: ...who never fails to put a nickel in the offering plate at church...

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

Narrator: ...and who spits on the sidewalk.

Signholder: -HUH?-

Cowboy: Let’s see…where's that to do list? (pulls out a long list and reads it)
Brand 5 new calves--check.
Fix barb wire fence--check.
Replace left front horseshoe on Ole Paint--check
Pick up some---

(looks up and notices man laying on ground who is quietly moaning…he continues across the stage, walks WAY around him)

Cowboy: I can’t forget to pick up some beans for the cook…I don’t have time today to chitchat with somebody dumb enough to get beaten and robbed.

Signholder: -BOO!- (cowboy leaves)

(bully comes upon the scene, carrying a water bottle)

Narrator: And it so happened that the town bully was the next to pass by. A guy who steps on kitties’ tails...

Signholder: -BOO!-

Narrator: ...takes candy from babies...

Signholder: -BOO!-

Narrator: ...trips little old ladies trying to cross the street...

Signholder: -BOO!-

Narrator: ...and burps at Sunday dinner.

Signholder: -HUH?-

Bully: (walks right over to the man) What happened to you? Been fighting or something?

Prospector: (moaning) yeah, something. More like being mugged…

Bully: Looks like you got the worst of it. Man, that’s gotta hurt!

Prospector: Yeah, my thumb is bleeding pretty badly. (holds up thumb) Plus I think my leg is broken.

Bully: Here. Let me help you.

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

(Bully hands him the water bottle) Do you want a Spider Man bandaid or a Hello Kitty bandaid? (puts the bandaid on his thumb)

Prospector: (looks at his thumb) Oh, that’s cute! (then starts groaning again)

Bully: Let’s get you to my granny’s house. She’ll nurse you back to health.

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

Bully: I’ll give her some money for to buy some more Hello Kitty bandaids and some Campbell’s chicken noodle soup...

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

Bully: ...and here, have a candy bar I took from a baby.

Signholder: -HUH?-

(Bully helps the man stand, puts his arm around him and the two go off stage, the prospector limping all the way)

Narrator: Which of these three men proved to be a good neighbor?
The sheriff’s deputy?

Signholder: -BOO!-

Narrator: The cowboy?

Signholder: -BOO!-

Narrator: The town bully?

Signholder: -HOORAY!-

Narrator: Even though the bully was in a rush, probably on his way to pop somebody‘s birthday balloons...

Signholder: -HUH?-

Narrator: ...he was the only one to stop and help. When Jesus finished telling this story, he said “Go and do likewise.” No, He didn’t mean for you to take candy from children or to step on kitties’ tails, He meant for you to love your neighbor as much as you love yourself and to be the one to give him a Hello Kitty bandaid and a bottle of cold water.