Number Five

I originally wanted to title this: "Number Five on My List of Things That I Have Never Done Before But That I Finally Got To Do and Ended Up Really Liking" but I decided that was entirely too long and somehow not very grammatical (and I couldn't figure out how to fix it, anyway.) So Number Five it is. Why am I blogging about Number Five? Because that was an interesting experience and I just felt like blogging about it today. And because this is my blog and I can be as random as I please. Will I ever blog about Numbers One, Two, Three and Four? Quite possibly but not until I blog about Number Nine!

On July 17, 2010 I got to watch a Professional Bull Riders bull-riding event in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I came away from that experience with two solid convictions and two unanswered questions:


convictions:

1-I will never ride a bull

2-If anybody I love is ever going to ride a bull, I will not be watching. In fact, it would be best if I didn't even know it was going to happen.


questions:

1-How do they get the bulls so mad?

2-Why do cowboys wear such big belt buckles?


(If you know the answer to either of these questions, please feel free to keep that information to yourself. I am not so sure I want to know the answers.)


I settled back into my seat on the very top row of the Bank of Oklahoma Event Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma and was ready for a nice relaxing evening of watching cowboys ride bulls. Well! I don't know what I expected but from the very first cowboy's ride and subsequent---painful---fall, there was not a moment of relaxation! I was either still in shock from the last guy's fall or bracing myself for the next guy to get bucked off. The rodeo clown did his best to divert the bull's attention but he didn't do much to ease my tension. I knew that very soon some mama's son was going to climb up on a mad bull and the gate was going to open and that bull and his rider were going to blow out of there like a locomotive. And within 3 seconds, that cowboy was gonna be on terra firma once again. I spent the whole time alternately gripping the armrest, covering my eyes, screaming like a girl, jumping up and down on my seat (that may be a slight exaggeration) or asking deep questions like "did you SEE that?" But definitely not kicking back and relaxing.

I think my personality overdoses a little bit on the mercy side, so every time a cowboy got hurt or even just limped a bit on his way out of the arena, I couldn't help but wonder how much pain he was in and if he was going to be all right and whether his mama was there watching. Finally I decided that I was right on the border between ridiculousness and insanity...and that was someplace I just didn't want to be...

From the moment that we saw the cowboy getting ready to climb on the back of the bull to the very few seconds he was actually riding the bull to the time he spent groaning on the ground or limping away, the adrenaline was coursing through my blood stream, totally eliminating any need for caffeine even though it was literally three hours past my usual bedtime (I know that revelation is going to shock some of you!)

After the last cowboy tasted the dirt, I was left wondering what kind of mama would come to watch her son ride a bull and what Skeeter Kingsolver and Pistol Robinson's real names were...

In Which I Use a Geometric Proof...

Given: I am a momma
To Prove: I am a momma bear





1. I like Goldilocks and the 3 Bears.
1. There are bears in that story.






2. I have been sleeping a lot this winter.
2. Bears hibernate in winter. BHW Theorem. (Bears Hibernate in Winter Theorem)







3. This is a picture of me and a pony with hairy legs.
3. Bears are hairy animals. BHA Theorem

4. I haven't ridden my bike in weeks.
4. Bears do not ride bikes. BDRB Theorem

5. I have a Cub named Daniel.
5. Only Momma bears have cubs.

Therefore, I am a Momma Bear.

A Few Too Many Fugues...and A Few Too Many Johanns

"You'll love his music!" So I listened to fugue after fugue. After awhile, they all started to sound the same. Who am I kidding? ...they began sounding similar after the very first one.

I began to think the guy had some sort of similarity complex. I did some research on his life (The Bach Family--Seven Generations of Creative Genius by Karl Geiringer, printed in 1954 in Great Britain) and realized I was probably right. You should see that family tree!

Johann Sebastian Bach's father was named Johann Ambrosius Bach and his great-grandfather was Johannes. He had an uncle named Johann Christoph Bach. His brothers were named Johann Christoph, Johann Jakob, and Johann Nikolaus. He had a lot of cousins, most of whom were named, you guessed it, Johann. Some of their names: Johann Ernst, Johann Friedrich and Johann Michael.

At age 18, his first job was as a court musician for a German duke named Johann Ernst. Then when he was 22, he became organist at the church of St. Blasius. His predecessors at that church were: Johann Rudoph Ahle and Johann Georg Ahle. Besides his composing duties and organ playing, he gave music lessons, and some of his students were: Johann Martin Schubart, Johann Caspar Voglar and Johann Ludwig Krebs. For a funeral oration that he was commissioned to compose, he collaborated with a poet named Johann Christoph Gottsched. His competition in composition included Johann Pachelbel (of Canon in D fame) and Johann Jakob Froberger.

The names of three of his sons were: Johann Gottfried, Johann Christian and Johann Christoph Friedrich. (He had seventeen other children including a daughter named Johanna Carolina but I digress) No wonder the poor guy had issues.

It's not like there weren't any other nice names to choose from back in those days. Lovely names like: Wilhelm...Leopold...Friedrich...Philipp...Hans...Carl...Tobias...Hermann...Lorenz...Gottlieb... Ernst...

On second thought, maybe all those parents who chose the name "Johann" were onto something after all.

Response from J. S. Bach (Gasp!)

The aim and final end of all music should be none other than the glory of God and refreshment of the soul.

...and ...

For the glory of the most high God alone, and for my neighbour to learn from.

Music is an agreeable harmony for the honor of God and the permissible delights of the soul.
...and...
Harmony is next to Godliness.

I play the notes as they are written, but it is God who makes the music.

Soli Deo Gloria.

(P.S. Is your name really "Fan"? Is that a diminutive of "Fannie"?)

A Humble Letter of Apology to Mr. Bach

Dear Johann,

Please accept my humblest apologies. It appears that I stumbled upon music from The Well-Tempered Clavier. I have since learned that this music was written "for the profit and use of musical youth desirous of learning and especially for the pastime of those already skilled in this study" and not so much for my personal enjoyment...

And I do have to admit it was an impressive feat to compose a fugue in each major AND minor key from C to B. That is 48 compositions!! (somebody else did the math!)

Initially, I was pleased to note that your clavier was well-tempered. A pleasing temperament in a musical instrument cannot help but be an asset in musical endeavors. I soon discovered more ignorance on my part (this is turning into a rather humbling experience!) The temperament referred to is a system of tuning, not character. I understand you did your own piano tuning...well, technically, it was harpsichord and clavichord tuning. You tuned the instruments in such a way so that they could be played in all keys without having to be re-tuned to new fundamentals which allowed one to easily modulate into other keys. (I have no clue as to what that actually means) But I am pretty sure it was genius!

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Your Ardent Fan

Minuet in G major
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on1DDSLdDOo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCnpGQGO49o&feature=related

Polonaise-Menuet-March (from Anna Magdalena Notebook)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z58T49c_cvs&feature=fvw

harpsichord version of Polanaise in G minor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4El1zZH9rU&feature=related

Polonaise from JS Bach B Minor Suite
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rn07431VlPw&feature=related

concerto for 2 violins in D minor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JG8KkWhsiY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lIxxBLp8fU&feature=related

Brandenburg Concertos No.3 - i: Allegro Moderato
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ9qWpa2rIg&feature=related

An Open Letter to Johann Sebastian Bach

(I don't really like your preludes and fugues. sorry, dude. )


Dear Mr. Bach,

I tried...I really did...but if your compositions are going to put me to sleep and if you insist upon giving your music titles such as: Prelude and Fugue in D Major...Prelude and Fugue in A Minor...in C Minor...G Minor...A Major---you and I are going to have some "major" issues.

To begin with, each one sounds pretty much like the next one, and, I'm not going to lie to you here, they are all pretty boring. And another thing, I know for a fact that there were a lot of other instruments available to you in 1722 besides the organ.

You are going to have to do better than this.

Sincerely,
A Wanna-be Fan